A Treatise for Life Alert

I have a theory about Life Alert bracelets. For those of us who don't know what a Life Alert bracelet is; it's a little button that calls the cops. Old ladies use it for when they fall and can't get up. It's a good plan. But they need to market those things to other people too!

I'm a college student. I have no roommates since I had a bad experience with them. What does this mean? It means if I were to fall over and break my back or for some reason suffer a massive heart attack (unlikely but not unheard of in people my age) who would come find me? No one. It's 11 at night and no one is going to come looking for me until tomorrow by the latest. My door is closed and the TV is on. There is plenty of ambient noise to conceal my squeaks of terror if I would happen to fall right now and impale my own throat with a pencil. 

And I'm not the only person alive living alone. We looked at a study in my human lifespan class last year. It shows the many reasons married couples live longer than single people. One of the main reasons? They don't live alone. When the woman falls in the shower and smacks her head on the drain, simultaneously knocking herself out and blocking the water from going down, she starts to drown and can do nothing about it. Her husband comes in the bathroom to use it real quick, and notices his wife doesn't say hi when he calls her name out and he also notices the pooling of water. He rushes in and rescues his wife from her helpless stupor. So what happened here? If the lady had been single, there would have been no husband to rescue her. 

I'm not saying that having a Life Alert bracelet would prevent situations like this. But without one, a situation like this has no out. The single person dies alone. So market bracelets to anyone who's single! We could use them. My floor is littered with books and wires.